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My boys chillin at our pad.
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We've made it home in one peace, and Charlie's grandparents gave us a 0 birthday BD cake and some champaign to celebrate the occasion. The pediatrician gave him a clean bill of health (other than the jaundice that is clearing up) and Heather seems better as well. I've learned alot in these first 72 hours, and I thought it might be good to share them with you.

When your wife is in labor, and you hold her hand during an intense contraction, make sure your hand isn't near your groin, as she will grab anything she can to distract her from the pain. And you can't really tell her to let go.

Labor is gross looking, but you won't care when its happening. You'll be too busy trying to keep things going well for your baby mama.

Sleep should never be taken for granted.

When my child cries, he sounds like a keebler elf being kept in stress positions by the CIA.

Remember to cover a baby boys business with a diaper or some other item while changing him. Otherwise he might pee on you.

Never change a diaper in your bed, because if you forget to cover up the baby's business, he'll pee on your bed. Also he might pee on you.

Meconium is not as evil as everyone says it is. It is gross and sticky, but it doesn't smell, which I can not say the same about real poop.

Speaking of which, babies seem to kick and fuss alot. Even when you are changing their diaper. And they don't care if their foot gets in the poop. Nor do they care if said foot ends up getting poop on their face. Mental note: keep their feet away from the poop.

Beagles have no real passion to hang out with babies.

Angel Kisses is a stupid name for an eyelid rash.

Or maybe when he cries he sounds like a unicorn being waterboarded.

Swaddling or what I like to call Burrito Wrapping your child is harder than it looks. However, everything this guy says is pretty much true. He's some kind of voodoo witch doctor.

Beagles are surprisingly understanding about being knocked down a peg on the totem pole.

Occasionally, when he cries, he might actually sound like a chipmunk being garroted .

I'm directly responsible for the life of another human being. That's just plain wrong.

Apollo chillin on the back patio.
He's a brat.
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It's time to bust my google map back out. For those not aware, my dog likes to escape. So much so, that I created a google map to keep track of the various locations. Our yard has a good defense against him, and yet still, every once in a while, he manages a way to bust out. Click to the map and click May 31st for this installment of Apollo Escapes Again!

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He thought he was clever. I was not amused..

And Apollo got into his first real fight. We were chillin at the dog park, minding our own business. Apollo decided to sniff another dog's junk, which, ya know, is what dogs do in dog parks. Said dog lost it, jumped Apollo, knocked him on his back, and left a gaping puncture wound in his mouth. That bitch.

there was a lot of blood, but once the Vet cleaned it out, it really was tiny. Can't wait till my kid gets into a fight. Then I'll really freak out.

Regardless, Apollo, after recovering from the knock out drugs the vet gave him, was pretty much back to normal after day two. But let it be known, here and now, whomever came up with the liquid dog aspirin that smells and tastes like shit is on notice. Attempting to force a dog to drink that is an impossible task (Apollo freaked out and was impossible to hold onto long enough to get it in his mouth with two of us holding him), and whomever invented it needs a good solid kidney punch.

Say hello to my little friend, Apollo. We have to get a professional trainer because he's as insecure as a teenage girl with daddy issues. Never wants to leave our side, so we have to let him sleep with us or he screams all night. Good times.