This post is totally irrelevant for all you non breeders out there.

For those of you curious as to how you too can be as perfect of a parent as me, the kind that allows their child to pee on their own faces, I have put together a collection of videos and equipment that have been lifesavers for our sanity.

With these items you'll get more sleep, your baby will be happier, and you will clearly be a flawless parent. You'll make absolutely no mistakes. Except for a lot of them.

My buddy Frank just had his kid yesterday, Freddie Robbins (we had the same due date), and he's gonna need help. So I thought this compilation might help him. My 8 days as a parent will clearly aid Frank in his quest for parental sanity.

Our Recipe for success:

"The Happiest Baby on the Block - The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Baby Sleep Longer (DVD)"

The doctor who came up with this is a friggin genius. Or some kind of voodoo witch doctor. He has a 5 option solution for calming a crying baby. His moves have helped every time Charlie cried, without fail. It's weird, and creepy and accurate.

"Dunstan Baby Language -- Learn the universal language of newborn babies"

Calming your baby is one thing, but understanding what they need is another. This brainiac australian lady has some sort of creepy baby whisperer gift that allows her to understand baby cries. She teaches you to understand them. Also creepy accurate. It will blow your mind. Seriously.

"Miracle Blanket - Green with Beige Trim"

As you'll learn in Happiest Baby, swaddling is key to being a way awesomer parent than everyone else. If you are lazy, or unskilled at swaddling like myself, this blanket will PWN the baby. This blanket makes it easy to bind your baby up like Hannibal Lector being transfered, sans bite protection mask. It's very miracley.

"Baby-Gami: Baby Wrapping for Beginners" by Andrea Cornell Sarvady

If you are brave enough to do your own swaddling, this book has all kinds of variations of swaddle to aid you in your quest to make the baby stop with the crying and fussing. We've found quite a few of these quite useful.

The rest of the stuff I assume you already have. Good luck people, and happy hunting.